If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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