I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
