then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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