man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
