your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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