He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
