she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
