I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
