Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
