for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
