after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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