She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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