Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
