they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
