We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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