this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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