3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
