I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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