so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
