He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
