You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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