Just fell off a train. Bad.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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