Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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