STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
