My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
