I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
