when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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