He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my poor anus
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize