is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
