Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
