Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
