Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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