she was so not down for the gang bang
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
