I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
