singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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