Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize