I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
