So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
