i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
