I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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