trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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