i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
