I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
