these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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