If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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