Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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