I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
