i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
