I'm going to jail i love you
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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