when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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