I wish I could punch you in the face.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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