I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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