I think I died a long time ago.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
