yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I sprained my soul last night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
