don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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