I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
