Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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