im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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