hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
