Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
