I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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