so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
