I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
