i was born a porn star she said
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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