How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
