Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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