I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
