Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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