Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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