please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
