um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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