Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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