I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
