You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
