you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
