i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
