Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
